The "Wow"

From the NY Times:

Slowing Down to Let the Moment Sink In
By JESSICA L. ISRAEL, M.D
Published: July 22, 2008
For a doctor, the first glimpse of death and a simple thank you are reminders to never forget.

The article's author defines the "wow" as a moment when she "smells the lilies and looks at butterflies" - when she slows down to acknowledge that death/dying means more than a clinical fact.

I've found it quite interesting that I'm in that position - with interns. One time, an intern was doing her clinical rotation in our unit and I informed her about a patient's poor status. She said with sadness, "I don't want another death today." My response was "Welcome to oncology." I meant it with humor (a defense mechanism). But now that I think about it, that statement could've been interpreted as unfeeling.

July ushers in new interns fresh from med school and I should be more mindful. A few weeks ago, I told the intern to come see a patient and pronounce him dead. After assessing the patient, he came back to me and asked me if I was okay. I was surprised by the question. I told him I was fine and didn't think any of it. This past weekend, another patient died and I asked that same intern regarding something about post-mortem care. He said he didn't know the answer because this was only the second death he's dealt with in the hospital. Then it clicked - I had my "wow." I thought back to when he asked me if I was okay - It was really a question to himself than to me - I should have reflected that question back to him because I now realized that earlier death was his first.